S9, Ep. 5: Jennifer

Jennifer is an adoptee born in Orange County, California, in 1963. The first six weeks of her life remain a mystery. Although she was adopted by a loving family, her journey has not been easy. As part of the Baby Scoop Era, she was relinquished at birth and spent her early weeks in foster care.

Her adoptive family, led by the daughter of a well-known artist and former model, provided a stable home, but Jennifer always felt like she wasn’t enough. She grew up as the middle child with two brothers: her older brother, who was also adopted, and her younger brother, the biological son of her adoptive parents, who had been surprised by his arrival, as they had previously been told they couldn’t have children.

Jennifer always knew she was adopted, though she can’t remember being explicitly told. As she grew older, she became curious about her origins and began wondering who she might resemble. This curiosity led her down a destructive path, turning to drugs and alcohol as a way to cope. Years of rebellion, running away, and conflicts with her parents culminated in her legal emancipation at age 15.

Things continued to spiral out of control until she ended up in a treatment center in Portland, Oregon. Once she had regained clarity, Jennifer realized she needed to understand her medical history, and so began a search for her biological family. Remarkably, it only took three hours for a search specialist to find them.

However, not all reunions are as heartwarming as one might hope. Jennifer’s birth mother, sadly, had no interest in reconnecting and refused to meet her. Despite this, Jennifer did find a half-brother with whom she still maintains a relationship. Tragically, her birth mother passed away in 2023, never having met the daughter she had given life to in 1963. In Jennifer’s words, “It’s her loss.” Coincidentally, just weeks after her birth mother’s death, Jennifer’s adoptive mother passed away as well.

Today, Jennifer has come to terms with the reality that she will never know the woman who gave birth to her. Meeting other biological family members has become a meaningful part of her journey. She is currently working on her memoir, Sometimes You Just Need a Lollipop: A Very Adult Story of My Spiritual Awakening, a candid exploration of her life’s struggles, her search for self, and her spiritual growth.

S9, Ep. 4: Adam

Adam was adopted from Huentitán el Alto, in Jalisco, Mexico. Ron and Wendy had already adopted a son so they planned on adopting a girl as their second child to be named Amy but she suddenly passed away and out of distraught they told the lawyer to give them the next baby available, me. They changed names from Amy to Adam.

Adam always felt different, like from another world. He exhibited signs of abandonment issues early on never allowing his mother to leave him without crying. In hindsight, he can say it was because he didn’t think she would come back. Not in the sense that other kids cry for their mom to pick them up, he thought she might never come back. This fear of being left developed well into his teens and adulthood in the form of abusive relationships which he would never leave and manifested into several life-threatening situations. 

To couple this, Adam experienced an Identity crisis and at the age of 17, he felt as if his name no longer fit him. He wasn’t Juan Carlos anymore (his birth name) but he no longer felt comfortable claiming the full name his adoptive parents gave him. He legally changed it to keep Adam and to have Esparza Plascencia as his surname, given to him at birth. Maybe he could feel as if he was a part of both. He knew his name because he kept his adoption certificate, more or less a one-page contract that his birth mother signed in pen, Maria De Jesus Esparza Plascencia. At times when he was left alone with his thoughts he would trace the engraved ink on the parchment to bring him closer to her. To try and feel her sentiment. 

Adam works as Director for a CBO (Community Based Organization) specializing in youth outreach in elementary schools through the Queens, NY borough and is licensed by the OCFS (The Office of Children and Family Services). As his journey to reunion continues he is also happy to announce a new position as one of several Ambassadors representing The Adoptee Mentoring Society, a community giving light to the adoptee narrative and providing support for adoptees, by adoptees. 

Through his catharsis and above all else he has come to the realization that the road back to oneself is not external after all but inside each and everyone of us just the same. For Adam, it was time to let go of “being let go of”. By sharing his own healing process he hopes to enable other adoptees along the winding road we all have in common. 

S9, Ep. 3: Melissa

Melissa was adopted at birth in 1965 in Little Rock, AR. Her adoptive parents were able to take her home at five days old straight from the hospital since it was a private adoption facilitated by the doctors and lawyer. Understanding the signs of the times as she grew, she never felt rejected by her birth mother. Her life has been full and blessed from the beginning. For most of her life, she declared there wasn’t a desire to search when asked. However, searching for familiar faces in a crowd and then internet and social media searches crept throughout different periods of her lifetime. Holding her daughter and then her son two years later increased her desire to have biological connections that had been missing in her life. When her adoptive father began having health problems, she knew it was time to get serious about her search. 

S9, Ep. 2: Michelle

Michelle Rice-Gauvreau is a native Mohawk woman born in 1969 in Canada and raised in Connecticut via an illegal adoption, which was commonplace for many Indian babies throughout many years across North America.  She is the author of Who Am I? Native American Child Taken From A Reservation And Raised In White America. Michelle is a compassionate advocate for all adoptees looking for their own truth, peace, and hope. She hopes to instill her strength to any adoptee struggling to find their way.
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Michelle now works as a legal professional for a prestigious law firm. She resides in Connecticut with her husband of many years and her two senior cats.  She enjoys traveling and learning more about native cultures far and wide.

S9, Ep. 1: Rebecca

Rebecca is an adoptee, mother, teacher, historian, and award-winning author of the recently published ‘Who Is a Worthy Mother'? An Intimate History of Adoption.’ Rebecca was driven to write a history of adoption in the United States from the perspective of an adoptee and to honor the memory of her older sister and the truth of brave women everywhere. Rebecca teaches in the School of Education at the University of Puget Sound and lives in Seattle with her husband and two daughters.

S8, Ep. 20: FINALE: Ann Fessler

Ann Fessler is an author, filmmaker, and installation artist. Her work addresses the gap between the authoritative history one learns in history books, and that same history as understood by those who lived it. She has spent more than thirty years bringing stories of ordinary people, and the first-person narratives of adoption, into the public sphere through her visual works and Writing.

Fessler traveled the country to interview more than 100 women who lost children to adoption during the 28 years that followed WWII when a perfect storm of circumstances led to an unprecedented 1.5 million non-family surrenders. With the support of a 2003-04 Radcliffe Fellowship at Harvard, Fessler researched the history of the era and later combined her research and interviews in a non-fiction book, The Girls Who Went Away: The Hidden History of Women Who Lost Children to Adoption in the Decades Before Roe v. Wade (The Penguin Press, 2006).

The book, which places the women’s stories within the social history of the time period and her own story as an adoptee was called “wrenching, riveting” by the Chicago Tribune; “a remarkably well-researched and accomplished book” by the New York Times; and “a blend of deeply moving personal tales, bolstered by solid sociological analysis—journalism of the first order” by the San Francisco Chronicle. The Girls Who Went Away was chosen as one of the top 5 non-fiction books of 2006 by the National Book Critics Circle and was awarded the Ballard Book Prize, given annually to a female author who advances the dialogue about women’s rights. In 2011, The Girls Who Went Away was chosen by readers of Ms. magazine as one of the top 100 feminist books of all time.

S8, Ep. 19: Julie

Julie Brumley is a trauma-informed adoptee coach who has been coaching men and women for more than 15 years to overcome addictive behaviors and heal the primal trauma of abandonment. She is also the CEO of Coming Home to Self, a company dedicated to helping adoptees heal. After her own birth mother tried to abort her twice, she found herself frozen in an unconscious trauma response for decades until she found the power of somatic trauma healing. Now, she uses somatics, nervous system regulation, personal experience, and her master's in counseling to help other adult adoptees find their way out of their own trauma and into a life of radical self-belonging.

S8, Ep. 18: Ann

Ann Haralambie is an award-winning author and a trial and appellate attorney (a Certified Family Law Specialist and a Certified Child Welfare Law Specialist). She has a BA in Creative Writing, an MA in English Literature, and a JD in law. Her first book was a poetry chapbook published in 1976 by Desert First Works while she was in law school. Her three-volume Thomson Reuters legal treatise, "Handling Child Custody, Abuse and Adoption Cases 3d" is supplemented annually. Her three other major law books are written primarily for a legal and multi-disciplinary professional audience.

Ann is an adoptee who searched for her birth family for 35 years. Her award-winning book, "Not Nicholson: The Story of a First Daughter," (2023) is an adoption search and reunion memoir. It has been called "a testament to the resilience of the human spirit and the enduring quest for self-understanding. . . a deeply moving read, one that resonates long after the final page is turned" (The Reading Bud), "universally inspiring, exemplifying an unwavering resolve that continues even in the face of numerous obstacles. . . an invaluable companion for those navigating the intricate paths of understanding and acceptance in the realms of adoption" (Literary Titan), and "a compelling read that balances personal narrative with broader social issues. . . . a book that will appeal to a wide range of readers, . . . a powerful reminder of the enduring human spirit and the profound impact of uncovering one’s past." (Jeyran Main, Editor-in-chief, Review Tales Magazine).

Spending her time equally between Arizona and New Hampshire, in her spare time Ann loves singing all kinds of music from classical choral music to traditional Irish/Scottish songs to worship music, playing various fretted string instruments and the Irish bodhrán (a framed goatskin drum), Irish and ballroom dancing, and serving as the Loon Preservation Committee field volunteer for Silver Lake, NH.

S8, Ep. 17: Lena

Lena Rosenbloom is a domestic, closed-adopted person from New Jersey. She was adopted in the 80s and raised as an only child in an adoptive family that could not have children. She entered reunion in 2002 with her paternal biological family. Lena discovered her biological family through the adoption.com website and message boards in 2002. She has three half-siblings on her paternal side. Lena has reached out to her biological mother two times in the past 20 years and has been rejected. Lena is a licensed clinical social worker in Florida working with grief and loss as well as terminally ill clients. She helped start a nonprofit organization for first responder spouses in 2018. She has been married to her wonderful husband for 15 years and has two children. She loves to journal, make crafts, and find healing through music and concerts. 

S8, Ep. 16: Stephen

Stephen Grochol is a Financial Planner in San Mateo, CA. He and his wife just celebrated their 20th wedding anniversary and they have two daughters. He is a post-Baby Scoop and post-Roe v. Wade adoptee. Born in Oakland, CA in 1974 he is the oldest of three. One brother was adopted and the youngest was not. Stephen’s adoptive parents went through a private doctor for this process. He was relinquished immediately after birth and whisked home to Pacifica where he grew up. A stroke of luck occurred when his Aunt and Godmother procured the names of his birth parents during his delivery.

As time went on things within his family unit started to unravel. His younger brother, also adopted, started suffering mental health issues and was ultimately diagnosed as schizophrenic and bi-polar. The family was hamstrung by the fact his medical records were sealed by the state of California. This was the prompt that Stephen needed to start the reunion process, for real. His parents were amazingly supportive throughout the entire search for reunion. This just made things okay. On his 28 th birthday, armed with “the adoption file” he was able to quickly track down his birth father. They have been in reunion since 2003.

Tracking down his birth mother was a much more difficult task. Two weeks after he was born the birth parents broke up and she joined a church that had some “cult-like” qualities. In 2017, Stephen and his birth father used Ancestry DNA to narrow the search for her. It worked! It’s here where he met a half-sister on his mother’s side. From there he was able to finally track down their birth mother on Halloween of all dates.

The reunion with both parents and the siblings has been filled with joy and happiness. There have been several family reunions where Stephen finally feels like he’s “wearing the right uniform.” Of course, no reunion is perfect but we are pretty close.

It’s after all this that Stephen has come out of the fog. Listening to Sarah and Louise, along with more specialized therapy are major factors for this. Stephen is quite familiar with fog as he grew up in Pacifica…. One of the foggiest towns in California. Sunny days lie ahead….

S8, Ep. 15: Jennifer

Jennifer Dyan Ghoston is a same-race domestic foster alum and adoptee in reunion with both sides of her biological family. After a 27-year career in law enforcement with the Chicago Police Department, she retired in 2014 as a police detective. In 2015, she self-published her memoir, "The Truth So Far...a detective's journey to reunite with her birth family". She credits her spiritual journey that started over forty years ago for allowing her path to unfold in unexpected and meaningful ways. In 2021, Jennifer's continued efforts to be open, honest, and public about her lived experience while holding space for other members of the constellation (primarily adoptees) has led to hosting the podcast, "Once Upon A Time...In Adopteeland". She currently co-facilitates the Adoptee Voices Writing Group created by Sara Easterly.

S8, Ep. 14: Kelly

Kelly was born in 1970 and grew up in Wichita, Kansas. Her parents divorced before she could remember and she had no contact with her dad. Second oldest of five children, she blended in well enough but noticed some differences. She had reason to believe she was adopted and asked when she was a teenager. Her mother continually said she was not adopted. The physical differences were dismissed as traits that might have come from her absent dad.

Kelly is happily married and has three sons. She is an engineer and a passionate quilter.

Fast forward to 2022, her oldest son was curious about his genetic makeup and took a 23andMe. A niece had previously done 23andMe and shared her results. Kelly was surprised that her absent dad was in the database as well. When her son’s results arrived, the niece was not there nor absent dad. Curiously, there were other relatives that she did not know.

Her mother quickly confessed that Kelly was indeed adopted. The rest of the kids were all biological and her mom intended to take this secret to the grave.
Her mom did not want her “to feel different.”

Reaching out to a relative on 23andMe, as well as the adoption agency, it was only 10 days before Kelly was reunited by phone with her parents. Her parents are still together, married for 50 years, and she has two biological brothers. They had been looking for her for many years. She learned that her dad is an engineer, her mom is a quilter, and many other commonalities.

Kelly describes her story as a fairytale reunion. She has been welcomed into her biological family and they have grown very close. She continues to work on her relationship with her adopted mom, trying to work through her anger and feelings of deception.

S8, Ep. 13: Liz

Dr. Liz DeBetta, creator of Migrating Toward Wholeness© is an adoptee and independent scholar-artist-activist committed to changing systems and helping people navigate trauma through creative processes. She believes that stories are powerful change agents and when we write them and share them we connect and heal. Liz is a proud member of Actor's Equity, SAG-AFTRA, Affiliate Faculty at the Institute for Research on Women and Gender, and part of the Diversity Scholars Network at the National Center for Institutional Diversity at the University of Michigan. She has published articles on autoethnography and adoptee narratives, has an award-winning one-woman show called Un-M-Othered, and facilitates trauma-informed healing through 1:1 coaching and workshops for adoptees and women. Her book Adult Adoptees and Writing to Heal: Migrating Toward Wholeness is available from Brill Publishers.

S8, Ep. 12: Michael

Michael Coffey was, until 2014, the co-editorial director of Publishers Weekly. His hybrid fiction Samuel Beckett is Closed (Evergreen Review/OR Books) was described by The New York Times Book Review as “a ghostly collaboration” and “a rewarding challenge” to the reader.

Born at St. Vincent’s Hospital in Greenwich Village on Nov. 11, 1954,  Michael was adopted five weeks later by John and Eleanor Coffey, a corrections officer and an RN,  respectively.  The adoption was handled by the New York Foundling Hospital. John and Eleanor had been unable to have children; their Catholic Church in upstate New York put them in touch with the Foundling. It was a closed adoption as are all in New York State. 

He was raised as an only child in a small town in the Adirondacks. By the time his parents told him overtly that he was adopted, at age 8, he already knew. Following the Foundling’s recommendation, they had told him from the beginning that they had “chosen” him in a nursery with many other babies.

Although they were loving parents, it seems they were also a bit distant—“hands-off,” as Michael has said. Sadly, one of the few things they knew about Michael’s birth parents was that they were college-educated, and it seemed to make them feel that he was of different and maybe better stock. Michael feels they tried to stay out of his way. Although Michael had what he calls a perfectly happy childhood, there was something missing. After much soul-searching and research, he believes there might be an element of containment missing, a term used by Melanie Klein and, later, Wilfred Bion, two prominent psychotherapists--containment being the provision of a safe space at a critical part of childhood development. 

Michael went off to college at Notre Dame, and spent his junior year in Dublin. College took care of him to a degree (the Notre Dame motto is in loco parentis—in place of parents). Leaving college, though, was a terrifying prospect, and two months after graduating he married a woman he had known for only four months.

Michael studied Anglo-Irish literature at the University of Leeds in England; his wife and he had a son, Joshua. He earned his Master’s degree. In 1978, the little family moved to New York City. Michael got a job in publishing and, settled, he wrote to the New York Founding, which was just 15 blocks from their walk-up apartment. A Sister Phelps provided him with “background information but not identifying information.” His search for his parents began: he found that his birth parents did not marry, were both Irish-American and from the Northeast U.S., and from large families. He was given height and weight and hair color, and one first name, Virginia, along with her birthdate. At the time, resources were minimal in terms of running down these leads. He went down many dead-ends.

At the age of 50, with the help of a private investigator, he discovered that both his birth parents were deceased; his father was a Gallagher, whose own father was from Donegal,  Ireland; and his mother, indeed Virginia, was fourth-generation Irish-American from a Co. Mayo family. She was a one-time Broadway actress and cabaret singer in Manhattan when he was conceived. His father, Robert Michael Gallagher, was driving cab in New York and writing poetry at the time. They both hailed originally from Philadelphia. 

Michael has written a memoir in which he traces these developments, emphasizing that, since he came of age, he has been looking and listening for traces, voices, and ghosts of lost birth parents, lost siblings, or half-siblings. He did find them, ghosts and real, but just as when John and Eleanor told him at age 8 that he was adopted when he already knew it, he says he also seemed to know who he was, and where he was from before the evidence was in. At this point in his life, he welcomes this as a measure of containment, a “safety in knowing.”

S8, Ep. 11: Lea

Lea is an adoptee born at the end of the Baby Scoop era, 1970. She was born and raised in the city where she currently lives with her family.  She knew from a young age that she was an adopted, a "chosen baby".  She was always proud to say she was adopted and would challenge classmates when asked about her "real parents".  Lea believes that she was raised by her  "real" parents and does not refer to them as her adoptive parents.  Lea stood out from her family at an early age as she is very tall (5'10") and her mother is 4'8". She's always been the tallest out of the extended family until her two children came along and they are both over 6 feet!

Lea reunited with her biological mother in 2007.  Her biological mother found her after a five-minute search online but it took some finessing to make the connection finally. They remained in reunion for about fifteen years during which time they visited, vacationed together and spent several holidays together.  

At seventy-four, Lea's biological father had the surprise of his life when he discovered through a cousin that he had a fifty-year old daughter who lived twenty minutes away. This connection was through Ancestry.com and again, happened very quickly.  Lea recently enjoyed a two-week vacation with her biological father, his wife (who Lea refers to as Bonus Mom), and her aunt. 

Lea has struggled with the idea of connection her entire life. Even after the black holes of knowing who you are have been filled, Lea continues to search for her connection and sense of belonging. 

S8, Ep. 10: Patti

Patti Eddington is a newspaper and magazine journalist whose favorite job ever was interviewing famous authors who came through town on book tours. She never dreamed of writing about her life because she was too busy helping build her husband’s veterinary practice, caring for her animal-obsessed daughter—whose favorite childhood toy was an inflatable tick—and learning to tap dance. Then fate, and a DNA test, led her to a story she felt compelled to tell. Today, the mid-century modern design enthusiast and former dance teacher enjoys being dragged on walks by her ridiculous three-legged dog, David, and watching the egrets and bald eagles from her deck on a beautiful bayou in Spring Lake, Michigan.

S8, Ep. 9: Kathleen

Kathleen was born in 1968 in Northern California. Her birth mother relinquished her for adoption immediately upon birth, and Kathleen was then adopted by a loving family who already had a 3-year-old adopted son. 

When Kathleen was 22 years old she found her birth mother. Thirty years later she learned that her birth father was an enforcer for the Hells Angels and was shot and killed when Kathleen was seven years old.

She also learned that she has at least seven sisters and one brother on her father’s side -- all from different mothers from the same birth father. Each of her siblings is about a year apart. Kathleen has met most of her siblings and remains in contact with each of them to this day.

Kathleen is a sociology professor living with her spouse in Honolulu and continues to make sense of her adoption experience through a sociological lens.

S8, Ep. 8: Gaynor

Gaynor was born in a mother-and-baby home and spent the first six weeks of life there before being adopted in the same town of birth. Despite a challenging childhood with an adoptive mother who exhibited narcissistic tendencies, Gaynor persevered through an unhappy adoption experience. At the age of 31, after becoming a parent, Gaynor reconnected with their birth family. This reunion, spanning over 30 years, has been a remarkable success, with Gaynor finding a true sense of belonging and love.

The journey of healing from past traumas has been long and profound. Writing a memoir, intended for her grandchildren, has been a significant part of her healing process. Now in a great place in life, Gaynor finds strength and peace in sharing her story, turning past challenges into a narrative of resilience and hope in the form of letters to all the people who have been important in her life.

S8, Ep. 7: Aje

Adopted at birth, Ajé loved sharing her adoption story throughout her childhood. She always had a feeling that she had been wanted by her birth parents, and was a tad obsessed with discovering where, and who, she came from. Around age 9, good, old-fashioned snooping led her to a document with clues about her birth parents and the person she would have been if they had kept her. She had no way of knowing that document would later lead to an unexpected, serendipitous, [absolutely impossible] reunion, just in time for her 18th birthday.

A survivor of abuse in childhood and adolescence, Ajé has always had a strong conviction that anguish is not meant to be carried alone, and the events that draw us into darkness and despair are the stories that need the most light. She loves conversations about uncomfortable truths and the power that comes from finding one’s voice.

Ajé is a lifelong craftaholic with a squirrel’s attention span and spends a lot of her time making art fueled by sporadic bursts of dopamine, lots of hot glue, and just the right amount of glitter. Her long-term goal is to make her home a multi-media shadow box inspired by her favorite characters & quotes from books, music, and film, one random idea at a time.

She lives in Portland, Oregon, with her husband, way too many craft supplies, and her tortoiseshell cat (who is the bestest cat ever).

S8, Ep. 6: Angela

Angela was born in Nebraska in 1979 and adopted at 3 days old. She grew up in a family that came with many complexities and issues, and she struggled to feel content with not knowing and being with her first family. At 16, she was able to reunite with her birth mother and half-siblings in person and has been in reunion ever since. Throughout the years, she's met more of her first family and has gone through the many challenges of reunion and the search for her birth father. Angela now resides in Chicago, where her first family originated, and has two grown children. She hopes to help others understand that even in the best situations, adoption is difficult and we need to continue working towards adoptees having rights and access to their records and eliminate the secrecy.