S8, Ep. 19: Julie

Julie Brumley is a trauma-informed adoptee coach who has been coaching men and women for more than 15 years to overcome addictive behaviors and heal the primal trauma of abandonment. She is also the CEO of Coming Home to Self, a company dedicated to helping adoptees heal. After her own birth mother tried to abort her twice, she found herself frozen in an unconscious trauma response for decades until she found the power of somatic trauma healing. Now, she uses somatics, nervous system regulation, personal experience, and her master's in counseling to help other adult adoptees find their way out of their own trauma and into a life of radical self-belonging.

S8, Ep. 18: Ann

Ann Haralambie is an award-winning author and a trial and appellate attorney (a Certified Family Law Specialist and a Certified Child Welfare Law Specialist). She has a BA in Creative Writing, an MA in English Literature, and a JD in law. Her first book was a poetry chapbook published in 1976 by Desert First Works while she was in law school. Her three-volume Thomson Reuters legal treatise, "Handling Child Custody, Abuse and Adoption Cases 3d" is supplemented annually. Her three other major law books are written primarily for a legal and multi-disciplinary professional audience.

Ann is an adoptee who searched for her birth family for 35 years. Her award-winning book, "Not Nicholson: The Story of a First Daughter," (2023) is an adoption search and reunion memoir. It has been called "a testament to the resilience of the human spirit and the enduring quest for self-understanding. . . a deeply moving read, one that resonates long after the final page is turned" (The Reading Bud), "universally inspiring, exemplifying an unwavering resolve that continues even in the face of numerous obstacles. . . an invaluable companion for those navigating the intricate paths of understanding and acceptance in the realms of adoption" (Literary Titan), and "a compelling read that balances personal narrative with broader social issues. . . . a book that will appeal to a wide range of readers, . . . a powerful reminder of the enduring human spirit and the profound impact of uncovering one’s past." (Jeyran Main, Editor-in-chief, Review Tales Magazine).

Spending her time equally between Arizona and New Hampshire, in her spare time Ann loves singing all kinds of music from classical choral music to traditional Irish/Scottish songs to worship music, playing various fretted string instruments and the Irish bodhrán (a framed goatskin drum), Irish and ballroom dancing, and serving as the Loon Preservation Committee field volunteer for Silver Lake, NH.

S8, Ep. 17: Lena

Lena Rosenbloom is a domestic, closed-adopted person from New Jersey. She was adopted in the 80s and raised as an only child in an adoptive family that could not have children. She entered reunion in 2002 with her paternal biological family. Lena discovered her biological family through the adoption.com website and message boards in 2002. She has three half-siblings on her paternal side. Lena has reached out to her biological mother two times in the past 20 years and has been rejected. Lena is a licensed clinical social worker in Florida working with grief and loss as well as terminally ill clients. She helped start a nonprofit organization for first responder spouses in 2018. She has been married to her wonderful husband for 15 years and has two children. She loves to journal, make crafts, and find healing through music and concerts. 

S8, Ep. 16: Stephen

Stephen Grochol is a Financial Planner in San Mateo, CA. He and his wife just celebrated their 20th wedding anniversary and they have two daughters. He is a post-Baby Scoop and post-Roe v. Wade adoptee. Born in Oakland, CA in 1974 he is the oldest of three. One brother was adopted and the youngest was not. Stephen’s adoptive parents went through a private doctor for this process. He was relinquished immediately after birth and whisked home to Pacifica where he grew up. A stroke of luck occurred when his Aunt and Godmother procured the names of his birth parents during his delivery.

As time went on things within his family unit started to unravel. His younger brother, also adopted, started suffering mental health issues and was ultimately diagnosed as schizophrenic and bi-polar. The family was hamstrung by the fact his medical records were sealed by the state of California. This was the prompt that Stephen needed to start the reunion process, for real. His parents were amazingly supportive throughout the entire search for reunion. This just made things okay. On his 28 th birthday, armed with “the adoption file” he was able to quickly track down his birth father. They have been in reunion since 2003.

Tracking down his birth mother was a much more difficult task. Two weeks after he was born the birth parents broke up and she joined a church that had some “cult-like” qualities. In 2017, Stephen and his birth father used Ancestry DNA to narrow the search for her. It worked! It’s here where he met a half-sister on his mother’s side. From there he was able to finally track down their birth mother on Halloween of all dates.

The reunion with both parents and the siblings has been filled with joy and happiness. There have been several family reunions where Stephen finally feels like he’s “wearing the right uniform.” Of course, no reunion is perfect but we are pretty close.

It’s after all this that Stephen has come out of the fog. Listening to Sarah and Louise, along with more specialized therapy are major factors for this. Stephen is quite familiar with fog as he grew up in Pacifica…. One of the foggiest towns in California. Sunny days lie ahead….

S8, Ep. 15: Jennifer

Jennifer Dyan Ghoston is a same-race domestic foster alum and adoptee in reunion with both sides of her biological family. After a 27-year career in law enforcement with the Chicago Police Department, she retired in 2014 as a police detective. In 2015, she self-published her memoir, "The Truth So Far...a detective's journey to reunite with her birth family". She credits her spiritual journey that started over forty years ago for allowing her path to unfold in unexpected and meaningful ways. In 2021, Jennifer's continued efforts to be open, honest, and public about her lived experience while holding space for other members of the constellation (primarily adoptees) has led to hosting the podcast, "Once Upon A Time...In Adopteeland". She currently co-facilitates the Adoptee Voices Writing Group created by Sara Easterly.

S8, Ep. 14: Kelly

Kelly was born in 1970 and grew up in Wichita, Kansas. Her parents divorced before she could remember and she had no contact with her dad. Second oldest of five children, she blended in well enough but noticed some differences. She had reason to believe she was adopted and asked when she was a teenager. Her mother continually said she was not adopted. The physical differences were dismissed as traits that might have come from her absent dad.

Kelly is happily married and has three sons. She is an engineer and a passionate quilter.

Fast forward to 2022, her oldest son was curious about his genetic makeup and took a 23andMe. A niece had previously done 23andMe and shared her results. Kelly was surprised that her absent dad was in the database as well. When her son’s results arrived, the niece was not there nor absent dad. Curiously, there were other relatives that she did not know.

Her mother quickly confessed that Kelly was indeed adopted. The rest of the kids were all biological and her mom intended to take this secret to the grave.
Her mom did not want her “to feel different.”

Reaching out to a relative on 23andMe, as well as the adoption agency, it was only 10 days before Kelly was reunited by phone with her parents. Her parents are still together, married for 50 years, and she has two biological brothers. They had been looking for her for many years. She learned that her dad is an engineer, her mom is a quilter, and many other commonalities.

Kelly describes her story as a fairytale reunion. She has been welcomed into her biological family and they have grown very close. She continues to work on her relationship with her adopted mom, trying to work through her anger and feelings of deception.

S8, Ep. 13: Liz

Dr. Liz DeBetta, creator of Migrating Toward Wholeness© is an adoptee and independent scholar-artist-activist committed to changing systems and helping people navigate trauma through creative processes. She believes that stories are powerful change agents and when we write them and share them we connect and heal. Liz is a proud member of Actor's Equity, SAG-AFTRA, Affiliate Faculty at the Institute for Research on Women and Gender, and part of the Diversity Scholars Network at the National Center for Institutional Diversity at the University of Michigan. She has published articles on autoethnography and adoptee narratives, has an award-winning one-woman show called Un-M-Othered, and facilitates trauma-informed healing through 1:1 coaching and workshops for adoptees and women. Her book Adult Adoptees and Writing to Heal: Migrating Toward Wholeness is available from Brill Publishers.

S8, Ep. 12: Michael

Michael Coffey was, until 2014, the co-editorial director of Publishers Weekly. His hybrid fiction Samuel Beckett is Closed (Evergreen Review/OR Books) was described by The New York Times Book Review as “a ghostly collaboration” and “a rewarding challenge” to the reader.

Born at St. Vincent’s Hospital in Greenwich Village on Nov. 11, 1954,  Michael was adopted five weeks later by John and Eleanor Coffey, a corrections officer and an RN,  respectively.  The adoption was handled by the New York Foundling Hospital. John and Eleanor had been unable to have children; their Catholic Church in upstate New York put them in touch with the Foundling. It was a closed adoption as are all in New York State. 

He was raised as an only child in a small town in the Adirondacks. By the time his parents told him overtly that he was adopted, at age 8, he already knew. Following the Foundling’s recommendation, they had told him from the beginning that they had “chosen” him in a nursery with many other babies.

Although they were loving parents, it seems they were also a bit distant—“hands-off,” as Michael has said. Sadly, one of the few things they knew about Michael’s birth parents was that they were college-educated, and it seemed to make them feel that he was of different and maybe better stock. Michael feels they tried to stay out of his way. Although Michael had what he calls a perfectly happy childhood, there was something missing. After much soul-searching and research, he believes there might be an element of containment missing, a term used by Melanie Klein and, later, Wilfred Bion, two prominent psychotherapists--containment being the provision of a safe space at a critical part of childhood development. 

Michael went off to college at Notre Dame, and spent his junior year in Dublin. College took care of him to a degree (the Notre Dame motto is in loco parentis—in place of parents). Leaving college, though, was a terrifying prospect, and two months after graduating he married a woman he had known for only four months.

Michael studied Anglo-Irish literature at the University of Leeds in England; his wife and he had a son, Joshua. He earned his Master’s degree. In 1978, the little family moved to New York City. Michael got a job in publishing and, settled, he wrote to the New York Founding, which was just 15 blocks from their walk-up apartment. A Sister Phelps provided him with “background information but not identifying information.” His search for his parents began: he found that his birth parents did not marry, were both Irish-American and from the Northeast U.S., and from large families. He was given height and weight and hair color, and one first name, Virginia, along with her birthdate. At the time, resources were minimal in terms of running down these leads. He went down many dead-ends.

At the age of 50, with the help of a private investigator, he discovered that both his birth parents were deceased; his father was a Gallagher, whose own father was from Donegal,  Ireland; and his mother, indeed Virginia, was fourth-generation Irish-American from a Co. Mayo family. She was a one-time Broadway actress and cabaret singer in Manhattan when he was conceived. His father, Robert Michael Gallagher, was driving cab in New York and writing poetry at the time. They both hailed originally from Philadelphia. 

Michael has written a memoir in which he traces these developments, emphasizing that, since he came of age, he has been looking and listening for traces, voices, and ghosts of lost birth parents, lost siblings, or half-siblings. He did find them, ghosts and real, but just as when John and Eleanor told him at age 8 that he was adopted when he already knew it, he says he also seemed to know who he was, and where he was from before the evidence was in. At this point in his life, he welcomes this as a measure of containment, a “safety in knowing.”

S8, Ep. 11: Lea

Lea is an adoptee born at the end of the Baby Scoop era, 1970. She was born and raised in the city where she currently lives with her family.  She knew from a young age that she was an adopted, a "chosen baby".  She was always proud to say she was adopted and would challenge classmates when asked about her "real parents".  Lea believes that she was raised by her  "real" parents and does not refer to them as her adoptive parents.  Lea stood out from her family at an early age as she is very tall (5'10") and her mother is 4'8". She's always been the tallest out of the extended family until her two children came along and they are both over 6 feet!

Lea reunited with her biological mother in 2007.  Her biological mother found her after a five-minute search online but it took some finessing to make the connection finally. They remained in reunion for about fifteen years during which time they visited, vacationed together and spent several holidays together.  

At seventy-four, Lea's biological father had the surprise of his life when he discovered through a cousin that he had a fifty-year old daughter who lived twenty minutes away. This connection was through Ancestry.com and again, happened very quickly.  Lea recently enjoyed a two-week vacation with her biological father, his wife (who Lea refers to as Bonus Mom), and her aunt. 

Lea has struggled with the idea of connection her entire life. Even after the black holes of knowing who you are have been filled, Lea continues to search for her connection and sense of belonging. 

S8, Ep. 10: Patti

Patti Eddington is a newspaper and magazine journalist whose favorite job ever was interviewing famous authors who came through town on book tours. She never dreamed of writing about her life because she was too busy helping build her husband’s veterinary practice, caring for her animal-obsessed daughter—whose favorite childhood toy was an inflatable tick—and learning to tap dance. Then fate, and a DNA test, led her to a story she felt compelled to tell. Today, the mid-century modern design enthusiast and former dance teacher enjoys being dragged on walks by her ridiculous three-legged dog, David, and watching the egrets and bald eagles from her deck on a beautiful bayou in Spring Lake, Michigan.

S8, Ep. 9: Kathleen

Kathleen was born in 1968 in Northern California. Her birth mother relinquished her for adoption immediately upon birth, and Kathleen was then adopted by a loving family who already had a 3-year-old adopted son. 

When Kathleen was 22 years old she found her birth mother. Thirty years later she learned that her birth father was an enforcer for the Hells Angels and was shot and killed when Kathleen was seven years old.

She also learned that she has at least seven sisters and one brother on her father’s side -- all from different mothers from the same birth father. Each of her siblings is about a year apart. Kathleen has met most of her siblings and remains in contact with each of them to this day.

Kathleen is a sociology professor living with her spouse in Honolulu and continues to make sense of her adoption experience through a sociological lens.

S8, Ep. 8: Gaynor

Gaynor was born in a mother-and-baby home and spent the first six weeks of life there before being adopted in the same town of birth. Despite a challenging childhood with an adoptive mother who exhibited narcissistic tendencies, Gaynor persevered through an unhappy adoption experience. At the age of 31, after becoming a parent, Gaynor reconnected with their birth family. This reunion, spanning over 30 years, has been a remarkable success, with Gaynor finding a true sense of belonging and love.

The journey of healing from past traumas has been long and profound. Writing a memoir, intended for her grandchildren, has been a significant part of her healing process. Now in a great place in life, Gaynor finds strength and peace in sharing her story, turning past challenges into a narrative of resilience and hope in the form of letters to all the people who have been important in her life.

S8, Ep. 7: Aje

Adopted at birth, Ajé loved sharing her adoption story throughout her childhood. She always had a feeling that she had been wanted by her birth parents, and was a tad obsessed with discovering where, and who, she came from. Around age 9, good, old-fashioned snooping led her to a document with clues about her birth parents and the person she would have been if they had kept her. She had no way of knowing that document would later lead to an unexpected, serendipitous, [absolutely impossible] reunion, just in time for her 18th birthday.

A survivor of abuse in childhood and adolescence, Ajé has always had a strong conviction that anguish is not meant to be carried alone, and the events that draw us into darkness and despair are the stories that need the most light. She loves conversations about uncomfortable truths and the power that comes from finding one’s voice.

Ajé is a lifelong craftaholic with a squirrel’s attention span and spends a lot of her time making art fueled by sporadic bursts of dopamine, lots of hot glue, and just the right amount of glitter. Her long-term goal is to make her home a multi-media shadow box inspired by her favorite characters & quotes from books, music, and film, one random idea at a time.

She lives in Portland, Oregon, with her husband, way too many craft supplies, and her tortoiseshell cat (who is the bestest cat ever).

S8, Ep. 6: Angela

Angela was born in Nebraska in 1979 and adopted at 3 days old. She grew up in a family that came with many complexities and issues, and she struggled to feel content with not knowing and being with her first family. At 16, she was able to reunite with her birth mother and half-siblings in person and has been in reunion ever since. Throughout the years, she's met more of her first family and has gone through the many challenges of reunion and the search for her birth father. Angela now resides in Chicago, where her first family originated, and has two grown children. She hopes to help others understand that even in the best situations, adoption is difficult and we need to continue working towards adoptees having rights and access to their records and eliminate the secrecy.

S8, Ep. 5: Magali

Magali was born in Sri Lanka in 1992 and adopted by French parents when she was 2 months old. She grew up in a small town in France, a mostly white area, and struggled to identify with both the French and Sri Lankan cultures. She found her birth family during her first visit to Sri Lanka when she was 16 years old. She has 4 older siblings that stay in the family.

The language was a real barrier and she had to communicate with the help of a guide. Because learning Sinhalese at that time was too challenging, she decided to learn English to ensure she could communicate with most of the world. To do so she moved to London, England when she was 18 and then moved to Toronto, Canada for 6.5 years where she met her husband.

Magali stayed in touch with her birth family for a few years but had to cut ties because they kept asking her for money. She dedicated her time to teaching French to English speakers because she wanted to help people struggling to learn a second language. Magali is using self-development tools to heal and is assisting other adoptees to find peace with their stories. She wants to bring awareness and make adoptees' lives easier and lighter.

S8, Ep. 4: Jeff

Jeff is an adoptee born in 1964 in Salt Lake City Utah. He is the middle of 4 children (an older sister and younger twins, a boy and a girl) who were also adopted. He grew up in Los Alamos, New Mexico, and always knew that he was adopted. He has been able to experience living in the Middle East and working in a variety of cultures in countries throughout the Middle East as well as Mexico and the United States.

Jeff is the founder of a non-profit organization that has helped homeless and underserved youth in San Diego and Tijuana to get off the streets and become positive contributors to changing their communities since 2005.

Jeff currently lives in San Diego, CA, and has recently become aware of the primal wound and the life-long effects of being adopted. He is seeing the impact of adoption on various other life events while also striving to heal and help as many as possible to manage and overcome the challenges that life brings to so many who have suffered various types of trauma.

S8, Ep. 3: Julie

Julie Ryan McGue is an American writer, a domestic adoptee, and an identical twin. In her books, essays, and blogs, she explores the topics of finding out who you are, and where you belong, and making sense of it. She is the author of two books: Twice a Daughter: A Search for Identity, Family, and Belonging, and Belonging Matters: Conversations on Adoption, Family, and Kinship. Her third book, Twice the Family: A Memoir of Love, Loss, and Sisterhood releases in February 2025.

S8, Ep. 2: Stephen

Stephen Rowley, Ph.D., is a psychotherapist practicing on Bainbridge Island,Washington. He is an adoptee and the father of an adopted son. Born in 1949 to an unwed mother, he was adopted at six months and enjoyed the benefits of growing up in a loving and affluent home. At age 13 he became deeply curious about his parentage. Not until college did he have the means to begin a lifelong quest to find his birth mother and his true identity. After years of investigation, he finally found his birth mother living in tragic circumstances. However, their poignant reunion vastly exceeded their expectations of finding each other when their souls finally reunited. As told through his memoir, Rowley traces the inner life of an adoptee, not simply the external narrative of his lifelong search.

S8, Ep. 1: Carolyn

Carolyn Hill-Bjerke is an adoptee born in 1967, during the Baby Scoop Era. She was born to 20-year-old students at the University of Connecticut. Carolyn’s biological mother was put into a maternity home. Her father moved to New York City and became a lawyer. He worked in the entertainment business.

Carolyn was in foster care for the first five months of her life as her biological mother resisted relinquishment until she no longer could. Carolyn grew up in the Washington, DC area as the daughter of a nuclear engineer and a doctor. She was an artist and writer who was misunderstood in her early life.

Carolyn attended Syracuse University and moved to New York City in 1989. Carolyn worked as a journalist before launching her career in advertising and film production. Carolyn is still a production executive, consultant, and agent – www.carolynreps.com Carolyn also earned her MFA in Poetry from Columbia University in 2003. Upon meeting her biological father in 2011, Carolyn learned her family name – Pennella – means “of the pen” in Italian signifying a lineage in writing.

Carolyn met her husband, the artist Wayne Bjerke, in New York City. They live in Connecticut near where she was born. Carolyn and Wayne have three children. The oldest, Paige Bjerke, now attends the University of Connecticut.

S7, Ep. 13: Trishina

Trishina was born in 1991 in Sevastopol, Ukraine, and was adopted at 18 months old. She was always curious about her biological family, searching on and off. Still, it wasn’t until she joined a Russian social media app called Vkontakte, that she could find some answers. Trishina is a nurse and military wife currently living in Cleveland, Ohio.